Hosting Challenges
My Bunco group takes turns hosting the game and providing dinner. It’s a group of 12, and we only meet once a month, which in theory means that each person will host once a year. In practice, however, because every person’s circumstances differ, it’s usually the same three or four women who volunteer. Just before it was my turn to host last Fall, we had a discussion and agreed that we’d make the dinners a potluck to ease the burden on the hosting players.
This was great news for me because, with a Tasmanian Devil of a 6 year old at home, the act of making the house presentable for guests is enough of a challenge without also having to cook a full meal for 12 people. A week before we met, I let the group know that the theme for a meal during football season would be tailgating foods and that I’d be providing vegetable skewers. One other person chimed in that she’d bring some meatballs. No one else responded other than to say if they were coming or not. I guess everyone felt that we had meat and veggies covered, so the other ten women all brought a dessert (one said, “I don’t know what a tailgating food is” as if she doesn’t have a smartphone with access to the internet). No one above the age of thirty wants to eat meatballs, a veggie skewer, and ten desserts for supper! (I take that back. My two grandmothers, both unrepentant about their sweet tooths, would have been delighted with the meal.)
This was only the latest in a string of hosting disasters on my part (esteem). There have been times I’ve undersupplied a party, grossly (embarrassingly) oversupplied a party, forgotten to provide ice for drinks, been so pre-occupied with minor preparations that I failed to start cooking until the guests arrived, and so on. I consider myself a thoughtful, caring person. I will send get well gifts and thank you notes. I will follow-up with a friend after a significant event in their life. I will ask after their friends and family forever after meeting that friend or family member once. But it’s like my brain short-circuits if I have to think about any more than one person at a time.
Recognizing this and tired of creating these awkward situations for myself, my New Year’s Resolution for the year has been to host four events (roughly one per quarter) with a primary goal of improving my hosting skills (growth). In my self-evaluation, I concluded that my main problem is that I try to do too much. In my opinion, the true value of an event host is providing a safe space in which people can socialize. My thought was that if I can focus on my intended value and keep things simple, I might become a consistently successful event host.
For my first event, I chose to invite my favorite friend group over for tea. They were a great group to start with because, although they are women with exceptional taste, they are warm and supportive, and I know I can’t really go wrong with them (safety). Normally I would offer an array of teas and a smorgasbord of food. On this day I offered only one caffeinated tea and one herbal tea, and we sat at a table with a small charcuterie board between us. We caught up, we talked through some problems, we got emotional, we offered advice. It was wonderful.
And so I felt more confident (esteem) going into my second event, this time a tea for Pumpkin’s neighborhood friends. I had sold the event as tea with a bounce house for the kids and had planned for the entire event to take place in our backyard. On the morning of the event, I realized a bounce house was out of the question. Winds were raging at 25-30mph. I had hoped the kids would still want to play in the backyard with bubbles and a soccer ball, but the winds were too fierce for much of anything else outside.
I also did a much poorer job of keeping things simple. The problem was that I took Pumpkin to help me pick out the treats to serve, and we ended up with an overabundance of all manner of small handheld sweets (sometimes I can’t help myself!).
I served a fruity tea. I left it unsweetened because of said treats. The kids hated it. They quickly got bored of the wind blowing the soccer ball off course, so when they wandered in for the food, they ended up staying inside to play. That was fine. The parents, however, did not follow them inside. Thus, I had the kids inside, and I felt like I needed to supervise them despite the fact that I wanted to be socializing with the parents. Once again, I was back at awkward.
My take-aways from the event were:
Simplicity needs to be priority number 1.
Always have a Plan B ready for outdoor events.
Entertainment options are important, especially for kids events.
Know your guests! The unsweetened tea was a terrible idea for children.
I’m still not sure how to solve for the problem of the parents staying outside while the kids came in, as I did try to invite the parents in. One of my friends joked, “You know they were happy for the kids to go inside with you to leave them some peace and quiet outside.” This may have been true, and if so I’m happy if they enjoyed that time. However, I worried they may not have felt comfortable coming inside as we had welcomed them at the backyard gate.
What tips do you have for me? Do you think I’m correct about the value of an event host (to provide a safe space for socializing)? What to you are the most important features of a good party? How would you have handled the party splitting up in my last event?